Harry Potter and the Madness of It All
by fancifulpants
Summary: A parody with more cliches than a 12 year old's LJ fanfiction. Incinerate the idiocy, and mock the madness. Don't forget to tell your friends! R


Ginny sat in the 5th year girls dorm with her BFF's, Lena Lufkin, the slutty one, Susan Spark, the daring one, and Melony Mallburg, the ditzy one.  
  
"So, Ginny, like, Truth or Dare?" Asked Lena, the slutty one. They were playing their favorite game, truth or dare, because apparently, that's what high school aged kids ALWAYS do when they're bored, or in dire need of a plot.  
  
"Um…Truth!" said Ginny, giggling and bouncing up and down.   
  
"Hm…." She thought to herself. She had really wanted her to chose dare, so she could advance the plot by making her kiss Harry/declare her love for Harry in the public form of her choosing/make out with Harry, but since she had chosen truth, she got another idea after consulting Melony and Susan. "Ok, I've got it! How far is the farthest you've ever gone with a guy?" she said, smiling as the other girls looked at each other and had a giggle fit.  
  
"Well, mostly just kissing," she smiled, as the other girls giggled even louder, "but a guy…an OLDER guy…DID control my brain once!" A loud murmur of "wow" fell over her audience.   
  
"Whoa!" shouted Melony, the ditzy one, "Was he hot?"  
  
"Yeah, but he had this vintage 1950's look going on that I'm totally not into…" The girls nodded their approval, "Oh, and he's like, totally evil and he tried to kill Harry, but you know how it goes." The girls shrugged and nodded again.  
  
"Ok, my turn! Susan, truth or dare?"  
  
"Um….DARE!" She shrieked, because that's what the dangerous, mischievous girls ALWAYS do.   
  
"I dare you to…KISS SEAMUS!"  
  
"You dared me to do that on Tuesday."   
  
"Um…NEVILLE!"   
  
"Thurday."  
  
"Malfoy?"   
  
"20 minutes ago."  
  
"Um…Harry."  
  
"No, I'm supposed to dare YOU to do that, remember?"  
  
"Whoops, almost forgot! How about COLIN!"  
  
"Ew….you've got to be kidding."  
  
"Nope."  
  
"He'll probably take a picture and fax it to his mum!"  
  
"And she'd put it in the Christmas cards!" interjected Lena.  
  
"Do I have to?" pleaded Susan.   
  
"Yep, how else can we get you to become vengeful, and dare me to do something ridiculous like kiss Harry?"  
  
"No one would expect that!" Melony said rather loudly.  
  
"Well, I guess you're right." Susan conceded. She ran into the boys dorm, tailed by Ginny, and the other girls whose names don't matter, interrupted the boys' game of truth or dare, grabbed Colin by the shirt collar, and kissed him. She dropped him back onto the floor, ran out of the room, threw up in the girls toilet, and started brushing her teeth furiously. Colin sat there looking dumbfounded, and ran to find his camera, because that's just what he does.   
  
"Hey, do you want to join our game?" One of the hot 5th year boys other than Colin interjected.  
  
"What are you playing?" asked Ginny.  
  
"Truth or Dare." He replied, winking at Ginny and Lena, the slutty one.  
  
"Sure, we're already playing. That's why Susan kissed Colin."  
  
"So she doesn't want to call me "sugar daddy" and snuggle up with me in my new Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban bed sheets?" Colin said, wistfully. Ginny convulsed and her faced twitched into a grotesque and horrified look for a brief moment.   
  
"Um…I'm almost certain that she is not interested." She said, gagging.   
  
"Oh…Oh well." Colin sighed and pushed a framed picture of Susan eating a sandwich under the bed.   
  
"So, are you in?" asked a hot 5th year boy.  
  
"Fo shizzle! I mean, yes." Said Lena, the slutty one, using the only American pop culture reference she could think of.   
  
"Okizzle." Said the hot 5th year.  
  
"That's not a wordizzle!" said Susan, who had just returned from the bathroom, foaming at the mouth from all the soap.   
  
"AAAAHHHH! SHE'S GOT THE PLAGUE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! DON'T JUST SIT THERE! RUN!" Colin shouted, putting a British National Guard helmet on his head, and diving under his four-poster. The other students started running around the room screaming about "THE PLAGUE!" and "RABID DOG!"  
  
"I've not got the plague OR rabies! I've only just washed my mouth out with soap after defiling my luscious lips with the taste of dork." Susan explained, looking rational but irritated.   
  
"Oh, so you don't want to have another go?" Colin said, raising his left eyebrow suggestively, and puckering his lips, very close to Susan's face.   
  
"Invading my personal space is SO not a turn on. Excuse me." Susan ran out of the room again, and the students could hear horrible retching noises from the girls bathroom. Susan returned minutes later looking a little paler than usual.   
  
"So I guess it's Susan's turn." Said another hot 5th year boy.   
  
"Yeah, so Ginny Gin-gin Ginners Ginatola Ginevra Virginia Weas-weas weasatola weasel king Weaslificator Weasley….Dare or Dare?"  
  
"Wait, isn't is supposed to be Truth or Dare?" Gin-Gimminy-Gin-Gin said, looking confused.   
  
"Look, Ginnerinners, I'm asking the questions, not you. Ok, honey muffins?  
  
"Ok, sorry."  
  
"So, Dare or Dare?"  
  
"Mmmm…..that's tough…..I guess…..Maybe…."  
  
"She picks dare." Said Lena, rolling her eyes.  
  
"HEY! I'M SUPPOSED TO PICK! I WASN'T SURE I WAS GOING TO PICK THAT ONE!" Ginny shouted, starting to pout.  
  
"Well, tough cookies Ginanator."  
  
(Virginevratola pouts)  
  
"K, Ginnery Weasletov, I dare you….to kiss Harry." Said Susan, everyone looked shocked.  
  
"Why?" Ginny said with a shocked look on her face.  
  
"Because I can't think of any other way to get you to together! Now, you might snag other boys with your personality, good looks and charm, but not Harry. With him, you need an obvious gimmick. And since it's not Christmas and we can't use mistletoe, a meaningless turned passionate truth or dare induced kiss will have to do."  
  
"Oh, ok. You know, you're way to smart to be one of MY friends.   
  
"She's right you know." Said Melony, nodding her head a little too fervently.  
  
"Damn straight!" Susan replied, looking in her book of American pop culture references, "Now go shizzle Harry's nizzle, fo shizzle!"  
  
"I thought I was kissing him…." Replied Ginny.  
  
"Oh….yeah…sorry, got a little caught up. Let's switch back to Brit mode." Susan walked up to a small panel on the side of the room, and turned the "dialect knob" from "Super American" to "Super British." When she was done, she returned to her original place, with everyone looking at her, somewhat bemused. "Ok, now we're good. Oi! Go snog Harry, Gin-gin, then maybe he'll bloody well love you, and you can go kick Snape's bloody arse because he's a great prat and a git and a pillock. Just hope Harry's not a poofter."  
  
"Oh, I sure hope he' isn't." Said Ginny, as she tried to think of something British sounding to say. "Bloody Hell!"  
  
"What?" Everyone asked in unison.  
  
"I dunno, it sounded British."  
  
"Oh, ok." They shrugged as Ginny ran down the stairs of the 5th year dorms. She crossed the common room and saw Harry sitting on a couch.  
  
"Oh, hey Ginny." Harry said when he saw her.   
  
"Hey Harry. Can I snog you for no reason?"  
  
"No, you need a strange and irrational gimmick."  
  
"Oh, right. I'm playing truth or dare, and they dared me to snog you. Can I snog you senseless in a way that the dare did not imply so we can suddenly recognize our true deep and passionate feelings for eachother?" Ginny asked, batting her eyelashes furiously.  
  
"Sure, that's ridiculous enough for me!" Ginny pulled him into a passionate kiss, giving her tongue muscles some exercise. Ron, who was sitting on the adjacent couch, looked like he had been petrified, and Hermoine wasn't there, because she was in the Library, of course. Harry's hands grabbed Ginny's waist, as the continued to kiss for another 10 or 15 minutes, with everyone else watching, when Mary Sue burst in, because she was of course not playing truth or dare like the other bad children, but was instead feeding the homeless, and writing her 7th year potions essays while washing her hair to get that sparklingly clean look.  
  
"Harry! I thought you loved me!" She shouted, with tears filling her almond shaped emerald/sapphire/amethyst/chocolate eyes, and trailing into her honey blond/Sunkist blonde/coal black/chocolate brown hair (though if her eyes were chocolate, her hair is instead mahogany.)  
  
"What gave you that impression?" Harry said, Ginny sitting on his lap while she licked his ear for no apparent reason.  
  
"Well, you're supposed too! You and Draco are supposed to love me, and fight over me, then I'm forced with the difficult decision of choosing a sweet, hot, dark haired nice boy with a somewhat troubled past, or a semi hot total asshole with terribly bleached hair that would kill you as soon as look at you! Do you realize what you've done, Harry Elizabeth Potter?"  
  
"Let's just say, I've made your decision easier." Harry said, kissing Ginny again.  
  
"No! No! NO! That's not how it's supposed to work! You're supposed to love me, so I have to choose! No one breaks up with a Mary Sue!"  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"BECAUSE THE AUTHOR SAYS SO! NO APOLOGIZE AND SNOG ME!  
  
"NO!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I dunno, I didn't write this horrible fanfic!"  
  
"Then stop telling me what to do!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Why not!"  
  
"Because that's the way the author wants it!"  
  
"But…but…but…"  
  
"BUT NOTHING, Harry, now APOLOGIZE!"  
  
"Fine. I'm sorry that Ginny's hotter than you, and wants to snog me senseless."  
  
"No, no, no, surely you can do better than that."  
  
"FINE!" Harry said, looking pitifully at Ginny.   
  
"NOW DO IT BEFORE I AVADA YOUR ASS, POTTER!"  
  
"I'm sorry for snogging Ginny?" Harry said, rolling his eyes.  
  
"Is that all you've got?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Right..." Harry shifted his gaze to Ginny, "Now can I go back to snogging Ginny?"  
  
"Only if I can catch you again and try to break things off, but make you apologize."  
  
Harry whined, but then looked at her and said, "Fine. But only if you go back to the dormitories for at least 3 or 4 more hours."  
  
"Ok, I have to solve world hunger anyway." Mary Sue shrugged and picked up her book bag and her wand.  
  
"It's a date." Harry replied, as Mary Sue charged out of the room, giving herself another botox injection and taping the corners of her mouth up in a perky smile. Harry then turned to Ginny, and the began to passionately snog on the common room couch again. Ron stilled looked paralyzed, so Hermoine came back from the common room and carried him up the stairs to the boys'dormitories.   
  
"Does this mean the game's over?" asked Lena, looking sadly at the boys dormitory where Seamus Finnagin was moving around.  
  
"For now." Said Susan, raising an eyebrow at Ginny and Harry, who had just removed his shirt to reveal his quidditchified abs.   
  
"It's surprising that one can get so in shape from sitting on a broom all day." Said Melony, looking at Harry's hot sexy manly abs.  
  
"Bloody Hell! Stop making sense Melony, you're supposed to be ditzy." Lena shouted, looking appauled.  
  
"My bad, sorry." Melony said meakly, as the students went to their dorms, except for Lena, who rode piggy back on a hot 5th year boy up to his dorm to snog like the hippos on the discovery channel. 


End file.
